Life steps

I've always wanted a tattoo. I just didn't know what to get. After much deliberation, I've decided to get one on my side-- a kind of rib piece. I want a Calla Lilly with a text-based stem. The stem will say my favorite quote: "The unexamined life is not worth living." It's by Socrates, and its a quote that I've striven to stick by my entire life. I've tried to always examine myself from every angle and to examine life as it hits me from each view. This is, perhaps, why I'm so overly analytical and why others think of me as "deep." Really, its because I'm constantly trying to figure out what makes man, and woman, kind tick. Why go through life not knowing what makes the world go round, or what kind of chemicals make up powdered lemonade? In examining my life, I've found out a lot about myself over the years, though I'm barely twenty. This is why I've decided to wait until my 21st birthday to ink myself. Mainly, because that's a big year to hit, but secondly because its the close of the hugest chapter of my life. I will have graduated from college by that time, and will hopefully have a career set in place. I'm not saying that I'm planning on having someone draw on me in permanent ink every 21 years (though that is a thought), I'm just saying that to achieve something as magnificent as one's 21st birthday is a huge step. Taking the step to get a tattoo is also significant. Hello, it's forever! So, here is a picture of the calla lilly that I want to get. Nice, huh? Though, the stem will be text coming out of the green-- maybe even green text. Calla Lillies mean "magnificent beauty," and what is more of a magnificent beauty than the examined life?

I Speculate Sometimes...

I've got a theory.
When two people spend an extraordinary amount of time together, inevitably they begin to have a certain type of connection. Obviously, I'm not talking about a romantic relationship or connection of the same sort. What I'm trying to say is that any two people in the world can have such a connection of alikeness that they don't even notice it anymore when they dress alike, say the same thing, think the same thing. Because of this connection, they also being to feel the same things at about the same time, or with a minor delay, so that whatever happens to one person will inevitably happen to the other in some way, shape, or form. Let me give you two examples to back this up:

1. My two managers at work have been working together for upwards of 7 years. Every time that I show up to work, I always see them together. Now, granted, a logical person would reason that they are merely doing their managerial duties of making sure that the store isn't taken for everything inside, but I hold differently. They dress the same, oftentimes say the same thing at the same time, and have very similar personalities. There was even a day when they were both not at the store because both of their wives were ill, and they had to take care of them. Proof: bonded people have similar things happen to them at or around the same time.

2. Personal example: my best friend and I have known each other going on 2 years. We tell each other everything about our lives, have met each other's families, and take the same classes. Its not that we spend every waking moment together, absolutely not, we have our own lives. However, the time we do spend together is chock-full of information and companionship. That being said, she and I have been known to dress exactly the same on the same day, and we've even had an instance involving other people happen around the same time.
During Hurricane Gustav, she went off to Pensacola and met a guy, hung out with him the whole week, and began to develop something there. I, on a similar level, stayed in town and was with my friend the whole week, basically doing the same thing as my friend. Proof: due to our similar nature as friends and our situations, we both ended up in relationships of sorts after a horrific even such as Gustav.

Now, I'm not saying that this happens to every set of friends or coworkers who happen to be good friends. "Good friends" is a term that varies depending on the level of trust between the two people involved. Also, this is not a "puppet master" kind of theory. Sharing something as complex as a friendship or a working relationship develops this trust-bond which connects you to the other person in a way that not many people understand. I, for one, am still perplexed every time my friend and I dress the same without even planning it, or without even seeing each other for days beforehand. Maybe its kind of like the twin theory. The one that claims that a set of twins, triplets, etc., can feel what the other is feeling, though they may be miles apart. My theory may not involve DNA, but it certainly lies along the same lines and plane that the twin theory holds. Who's to say it isn't true?

A Different Kind of Nut.

I am all sorts of bat-shit crazy. There are certain parts of and about me that just sometimes choose not to make sense. For instance, I'm a messy neat freak. Everything in its chaos has to be organized in some way, otherwise I lose my shit. I'm obsessive compulsive with numbers. I count things like its my job. Windows, ceiling panes, wall sockets, doors, stairs, don't get me started on stairs. I've counted the stairs in my parent's house so many times, I can tell you exactly where the creaks are, where the carpet is pulled up, and which coffee stains are my dad's.

In another area, that one we all know, I'm even worse. Relationships are the one thing that I seem to have a firm grasp on for other people, but don't have a clue for myself. It's as if I think that my situation is far more to the extreme than others. Let me give you an example about how I work in this area, which, in a sense, will tell you the kind of guy I'm into, further proving my brand of crazy: I like a guy who doesn't like to cuddle. Cuddling gets too hot and I can't sleep when I'm hot. Simple. A guy has to be able to keep up with my mental train of thought, otherwise he'll get lost and I don't backtrack. He can't expect me to dress up everytime we go out. I wear jeans and tee shirts, guys, not dresses and heels, and my hair is pulled in a rubber band most of the time. I like a guy who has bad habits- typical bad habits, nothing law-breaking; geez I'm not that nuts. He's got to recognize that I'm busy with my life and my life comes first in any relationship.

Furthering that topic, I don't want to get married or have kids. Yes, I'll remain in a monogamous relationship for an extended amount of time, even til I die, but I just don't need to go through the ritual of marriage. I feel its a dated procedure that couples go through mainly for the tax break. And kids are a whole nother ball game. I'm not giving birth. Forget it. My idea if kids ever enter my life is to adopt. There are thousands of kids out there that came first, who need a good home, and far be it from me to deny a child a home if they're in need. Its not my place to increase the population when I could be taking care of what we have now. Keep in mind, this won't happen for many many years if I can avoid it, so let's just move on, shall we?

I'm crazy. I realize this. Its hard not to be when you come from two ex-hippies with their background. Being the daughter of someone like my dad isn't easy when you consider who he is and what he does and what he deals with day in and day out. Bat-shit-crazy.

Humans are mere mortals. Deal with it.

It is the very nature of the human condition to survive. To live. To even outlive the next guy (or gal, and for the purposes of this post, all references to "man" also include women). Man is afraid of dying out and being forgotten. Why else do you think that there are so many recorded instances of human existence? Whether it's from cave drawings or published accounts of human triumph, man has made sure that the future generations know that the first humans did, in fact, exist. For that matter of survival, this is exactly why man goes to war- to outlive everyone. Modern medicine is also a way of postponing physical death. In that time that the medicated are living, they are busy making sure that everyone who physically outlives them remembers those that came before them. Oral accounts of some great ancestor ensure that a memory of someone lives on. That ancestor may not have been president or found the cure for cancer, but that spaghetti recipe has transcended generations, and for that, the creator of said recipe has achieved immortality.
Immortality is the name of the game of life, folks. Memory is the strongest sense we have to the past and the act of remembering someone ensures that the deceased live on. They survive by mere memory and recollection. Darwin had it right the first time: Survival of the fittest, if not the fittest memory.

Taking Control

"You wait, little girl, on an empty stage, for fate to turn your light on."
For everyone who has ever seen "The Sound of Music," this phrase is from "Sixteen Going on Seventeen." Somehow, this implies that girls, women, or ladies are incapable of making things happen for them on their own. The rest of the song goes on to say that the girl needs a man/guy/significant other to help them on their path and journey in life. While it may be nice to have someone to do the heavy lifting, it isn't necessary to have someone of the male persuasion holding her hand the whole way. It's these mysoginistic undertones in songs we all know and love from eras of late that have, unfortunately, shaped current modern thinking regarding women in their own world. Have girls-turned-women of today forgotten how to think for themselves? Are women scared to go out into the world on their own, for fear of not being able to make it without a man?
I am of the opinion that mainstream culture has taught our generation's females to become dependent on men because men provide. Traditionally, men provided financial stability once a woman set out on her own, men provided a home, support, and occasionally, love. Our mothers were taught this, and while they tried to instill a feeling of independence in us, bless them, somehow, it didn't take as well as they'd hoped. Mothers of the baby boom generation lived through a huge Women's Lib movement, and wanted to continue that feeling and emotion in their daughters; namely, the girls of the MTV Generation. However, thanks to MTV and its subsidiaries, and countless dating shows, girls are still waiting for Mr. Right.
What is wrong with being on your own, living on your own, and being with Mr. Right now, if there absolutely has to be a man in the picture? I can't stress enough how liberating it can feel when a woman strikes out alone and is successful in her ventures, sans male. It's time women started taking control of their own lives, and began using their brains to live! Try it and you may see that the end result is that a) things get done faster and better, and b) you're happier. Ladies, it's okay to be single. It's okay to be on your own and independent. It's perfectly fine to have your own thoughts and opinions about varying topics. Frankly, it needs to be an everyday occurrence. Go ahead, break the "rules" that have been set forth by Lifetime movies, music videos, and romance novels. Women need to remember that FICTION IS NOT REALITY!

Bliss or an extremely short burst of happiness?

In regards to all the people I know getting married, are married, married with kids, or engaged, I just don't understand what is so darn exhilarating. You meet. You date. You move in. You fight, fight, fight, and fight some more. He (or she) proposes. She freaks out over wedding invitations and color schemes. He picks out a tux. They party. Hard. She finally walks down the aisle to the "love of her life." "I do. I do." Another trip down the aisle. They party. Harder. And off they go into the sunset.
Frankly, I don't get it. Once the diamond is on her finger, it's like a sparkler to the wedding day. And then, once the wedding and honeymoon's all said and done, monotony sets in. It's a day-to-day existence, and statistics show that nearly 1/2 of marriages fail, inevitably by some stupid reason like lawn chair furniture and coordinating the curtains with the toilet seat cover! This short burst of happiness is temporary, people. And, granted, there are couples who stay together for upwards of 50 years, but let's face it. By then, at least a third of them are only in it for the tax break. The rest might truly be in love, I'll give them that.
But when did they start just loving each other and fall out out of love (There is a difference)? Love, I suppose, can be happy. But isn't being "in love" the whole reason the two got married in the first place? Why risk falling out of love and letting the sparkler fizzle out, when they could be just as blissful merely committing to a monogamous relationship, without the pageantry of a wedding. For that matter, just get married in City Hall by a justice of the peace, save yourselves thousands of dollars, and put it towards retirement. Then, take the honeymoon if you've both made it to retirement together. Best of luck, folks. I won't be joining you.

Delightfully De-Lovely

There are two sides to every story.
My story could, perhaps, surpass such ideology.
I've lived a complicated life, thus far, what with my chosen separation from mainstream Johnson City culture. I reject all things orange and University of Tennessee-related. I'd rather eat dirt than go to a Titans game, and hilbillies make me sick.
Thankfully, my liberation from such a dwelling has allowed me to broaden my already wide thought process and accept what is true to be true.
There is a certain beauty to be found in the world outside of the one in which one grows up. A kind of wide-eyed wonder that can make the typical day of small-town Americana seem dismal and uneventful, which, undoubtedly, it already is. It just took a little excursion outside of the setting for one to realize it.
In the event of such an escape from middle-class-white-suburban-Americana one should expect to experience a delightful uplifting of spirits and an elimination of hazy and presupposed ideals.
I have, thankfully experienced such an liberation from my small town.
It's lovely out here in the world.